February 1st has finally arrived. The one year anniversary of my wife and kids unexpected departure from my life. I honestly had mixed emotions about today. I really didn’t know what to expect as the day would move forward. What would I do? How would I act?
I slept in just a few minutes extra this morning because I thought I owed it to myself. No sense in ushering in the day with open arms. I eventually made it to work only to deal with the normal crap I deal with every day. Same old problems…just a different day. It’s funny how my co-workers wait until something pisses me off at work to let me in on additional bad news. I guess it’s their way of not initially pissing me off because essentially I’m already pissed off. It really didn’t matter what issues they had for me…anything was better than thinking of the events that played out one year ago. About an hour into work and sitting in a freezing office…I had enough. I decided it was not worth me being “at” work today so I decided to relocate my business affairs somewhere else. Besides, I had errands to run anyways. No point sitting at work stewing about the issues there and those in my personal life. Since my boss had been re-assigned the last few weeks, I decide to commandeer his office. At least I knew no one would bother me over there, plus I knew some other people I could go chat and do other things with that would keep my mind pre-occupied.
When I made it home after work, walking into the house was surreal. I don’t think a day has gone by where I think this is all a dream and my family will be home by the time I got there. However, I stopped lying to myself many months ago that this was in fact not a dream. I’ve spent the last few days packing up all her and the kids belongings which I think has helped me move on. As I mentioned before…it is time to move on and I am. I owe it to myself. I think I’ve finally turned a corner.
Through it all, today came and went. No big deal. Time doesn’t care about you or the world. It’s how you choose to live in this borrowed time that makes the difference and I intend on making it worth my wild.
Kiss My Eyes and Lay Me to Sleep